I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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