just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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