I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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