i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
