making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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