My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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