1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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