It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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