i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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