obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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