This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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