He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
