alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
