How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.