I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.