I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
