I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
