i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..