don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Houston, we have a squirter
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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