I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Life is so much better after having sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
