You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
