fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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