thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
