So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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