Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize