is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
