I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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