i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
