Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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