I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
