I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
