He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
