Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
