sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
