Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
