we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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