sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
