So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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