i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
