K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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