i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Never let your siblings swipe right.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
