i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
