I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
