I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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