So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
