3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
