Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
