I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
