You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
