my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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