eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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