I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize