Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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