Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
