you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this will be a night to untag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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