Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
