i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
