It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
