the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
