Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
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Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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