we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
