I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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