Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
