We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
