I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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