hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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