youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
