I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize