I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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