I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
