I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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