no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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