I heard we made out
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
