so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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