need another drink. this is the easiest way
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hippo gnu deer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
