Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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